Thursday, November 05, 2009

heh. its another nice rainy afternoon. without the sun. a good thing. especially since i intend to run at 5pm. i told myself that i need to start clocking between 18 to 21km a week, hit a maximum chin up score of 15 and i ll be happy with my fitness levels. gotta work hard. gotta work hard. my grandma kept telling me i m skinny. i told her, look at my tummy fat. not there yet la. haha. and even tho since i enlisted, i went from 77kg to 64kg, but i think i m more toned then skinny. upperbody and legs wise. i think i m ok. just tummy wise. i m flabby. not to sound ego or anything. its just a fact. i hope my knee doesnt give me any more trouble tho. its feeling pretty fine today.

took a trip down to forum today. walked around toys r us. i looked at the transformer toys and the power ranger lines. somehow, the megazords nowadays look so plastic and the designs lack creativity, the names leopard, jaguar, tiger, bat, shark and elephant rangers sound rather weird. i think we prefer the old school coloured names. heh. and the transformers have like wierd action figures that look small and rubber-like. they seem a far cry from the transformer toys i played with when i was a kid. i used to love the older generation transformers and the beast wars haha. i think i stopped being interested in power rangers after the zeo rangers series if i m not wrong. still, it was interesting to take a look at wads being offered to the kids of today.

well. i didnt actually feel that my time down to town today was wasted even tho my primary objective to meet her for lunch didnt come to pass. i was just thinking. a woman was made to be a life giver. like a sponge, she ll take wadever is around her, her husband, her work, her work environment and do her best to add value to it. if i got angry that she wouldnt meet me, or i demanded that she hang out with me. there would only be negative consequences. i would put her in a negative state of mind, disallowing her from carrying thru her purpose. and i would restrict her sphere of influence to only myself. furthermore, because of the former consequence i mentioned, her sphere of positive influence on me would also be limited. therefore, since she is the life giver. i wanna love her, and make her a reflection of love. rather than suffocate her and disrupt her life giving capacity. thats pretty much why, the old me would have been disappointed and grouchy. but today, i just felt that i shud be proud that she knows wads important apart from me. its not like it was an emergency situation and i shud learn to understand. it was all good in the end. the car runs on petrol, lets try not to feed it water ya.

then i wanted to look up reagan. but the fella must be busy meeting his sales targets. haha. so he rejected my call. i couldnt believe that after 3 pieces of kueh and a filet o fish meal. i was still thinking of bubble tea. lol. someone shoot me. but as i walked past wheelock on my way to the bus stop to get home. i was thinking. for the girl i love. i can travel down to town everyday. for my fren reagan and my leader jac. i would be willing to come down to town or even novena to have lunch or to fellowship with them. wad about my family.

my mom works at wheelock. thats like coming down to town to meet julie, minus the walk across the carpark and up the stairs. why have i never thought about meeting her for lunch. my grandma lives in the next block. i ought to make an effort to spend time with her one of the afternoons rather than go over only when theres dinner or on sunday evenings.

when i went to visit her today, she was eating instant noodles with roast duck for lunch. i asked her, why didnt u call me to buy lunch for u. she replied. when i call u, ur always not at home. then i was like, u can call my handphone wad, then she replied, scared i call ur handphone ur watching movie or sth. then i was like, next time u have no lunch, just call me k, even if i m in a movie, my phone ll be silent so u wont be disturbing.

i felt quite ashamed that i have never really made myself available for them. only spending time with them when its convenient. God didnt just give me the capacity to love the girl he has blessed me with nor did he only give me the capacity to love my friends. he gave me a capacity to love everyone in my life, including my family. so i decided i will. heh.

i m on leave next wednesday, thursday and friday and i ll be booking out on tuesday evening.

so here goes.
tuesday evening - dinner with matthew
wednesday lunchtime - meet my mom for lunch
wednesday evening - bible study
thursday lunchtime - open slot for huever asks me out
thursday evening - be home for dinner
friday lunchtime - buy lunch to my grandma
friday evening - probably cell group meeting before going back to camp

that will be the basic structure that i shall live by next week. heh.

i realise wads best about being home and being alone and being on leave is not that i can nua and slack and do nothing. cus i believe that each of us have an inner desire to always be fruitful and productive. we just cant be couch potatoes all day long cus sooner or later we ll start to feel empty. once in awhile, we do rest cus we have to. but God created in each of us a desire for purpose and direction. i realise, wad i like most about being at home, is that, there aint pressure, i m no longer subjected to the pace of life. i can do things at my own pace. i think thats awesome. and thats why i think, once in awhile, we need that alone time. to retreat. to find perspective, purpose and direction. to recharge. and when we are ready. back out into the world.

ok. now for a short rest / nap. one chapter of illustrator then my run.

|cowpoo| 2:41 PM|

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